Stop Guessing Games: If They're Upset, They Need to Speak Up

If you’re anything like the recovering people-pleaser I am, you’ve probably spent an embarrassing amount of time agonising over that slightly short email from a colleague or a quieter-than-usual text from a friend. We do the frantic detective work: What did I say? Did I mess up? We try to fix a problem that hasn't actually been voiced yet.

Let's drop the magnifying glass, sis. Here's a powerful truth I’ve learned: Unless an adult tells you they are upset, you shouldn't assume anything.

The Unspoken Rule of Grown-Ups

You are not responsible for reading minds. Period.

If someone in your life: a friend, a co-worker, a partner, is genuinely upset with you, they are more than capable of communicating their thoughts and feelings directly. If they choose to change their attitude towards you, if they go cold, distant, or passive-aggressive, without a word, they are the one who needs to explain their behaviour. You do not need to frantically try to resolve an issue that hasn't even been raised.

As someone who truly prides themselves on communication, I struggle when people refuse to express themselves openly. It’s like they’re terrified of the reaction. But how can we honestly move forward and build stronger relationships (the kind that thrive) if we're constantly tiptoeing around friends or colleagues?

Open conversation is how the best collaborations happen, and it's how true friendships deepen.

🗣️ Your Voice Isn't Too Loud, It’s Valid

I want to urge those of you who frequently choose silence out of fear of conflict to try and be open and honest. Start small. Address the person you’re not happy with, even if it's just one comment.

This doesn't have to be a dramatic confrontation. It shouldn't be snarky or snippy. Instead, try approaching it from a place of genuine desire to better yourself or better the relationship.

Your feelings are valid and shouldn't be squashed because you're scared of opening up. You may have been shut down for being open in the past, but don't let those past moments silence your future self. Take those past painful comments, address how they made you feel, and remember that protecting your peace means standing up for your right to be heard.

Lean Into the Critique, Not the Echo Chamber

I definitely found my toughest lessons in communication and standing up for myself came during my university course at NUA.

When you're presenting your work in front of industry professionals and they are ripping you a new one, it’s never personal, it's coming from a place of critical thinking and assessment. That’s the real gold! Having people around you who just say "yes" or praise you for doing the everyday minimum is not the challenge you need to grow and progress.

The path to becoming your best self is paved with honest feedback, not empty compliments. Let's commit to having the hard conversations, both with others and with ourselves, so we can all stop guessing and start growing!